Song to this post: "Break Away" Kelly Clarkson
Some say that attaching yourself to someone can be a good thing. That wanting something so badly and so enormously is healthy for us and helps us grow. But what about the pain that comes with it? What about the strings tied to us and the pull that we can't resist? When we want something that badly we forget about what is right for us and what we deserve and go for what we want. We rarely question it and hardly ever accept the negatives and what it would be like to have those strings cut. Are we so masochistic that we put ourselves in the position to get hurt from the people we are attached to? Do we subconsciously enjoy the pain that we receive from it? Further more, how are we to determine if the pain we feel is just a growing pain, or if it's the real pain? Are we to forever be attached to someone and ignore the pain or mistake it for knowledge? Whatever is the reason or outcome or result or what have you, the answer is the same. Pain is pain. It hurts, it sucks, and we have to live with it. The strings never break and the attachments always there. Never to fully move on, never to forget, and impossible to remove the scars. Is it ever possible for us to break those cords, and just divulge ourselves in the pain, in hopes that we have rid ourselves of its source? No. The pain remains like an everlasting sunburn, the ache echoes like a throbbing limb, and the heartbreak doesn't break even.
Quote to this post: "I'm not supposed to love you, I'm not supposed to care, I'm not supposed to live my life wishing you were there. I'm not supposed to wonder where you are or what you do . . .I'm sorry I can't help myself. I'm in love with you."
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Live
Song to this post: "Fickle Cycle" Animal Collective
We take breathing for granted. If we took the time to really feel how taking a deep breath feels, everyone would be so much calmer. Just that sense of freedom, of realease, of free thought. One thought is just a thing amongst a pile. I don't know whats in that pile. It just builds and expands and tumbles. Little fish and crabs just wondering around. The mind is just like an ocean. So many different things just there. Doing their thing. Floating along. Like the other day I was studying and I put my feet in the pool. Then went up to knees. Then I put my hands, then my elbows, then all the way up and touched my nose to the water. But not actually going in fully, just sitting there playing with the water half in half not. Just. . . like a kid, like I was 6. When you were 6 everything was innocent and real, where as now we are flooded with the good and bad and reality. But what is good and bad? I mean is there ever really bad? Bad is just a concept and a perception of a person and their beliefs, but that doesn't mean that there are things that are overall bad. It just comes down to beliefs and people in their minds. That's society and good and bad. Just perception. No norms, no rules, no laws. There is no norm. There can't be norms. Cuz everything is a norm to someone. There is no good or bad or common or anything. It's just beliefs and people. I live by one law and one alone. The law of myself. Whatever that may be. Just me and what I think is right, wrong, acceptable, and law like. I mean the law of freedom. Life is a journey to freedom and self discovery. Life is all about freedom and discovery. Just live. No regrets. No looking back and no reservations.
Quote to this post: "There are two ways to live: you can live as if nothing is a miracle; you can live as if everything is a miracle" Albert Einstein.
We take breathing for granted. If we took the time to really feel how taking a deep breath feels, everyone would be so much calmer. Just that sense of freedom, of realease, of free thought. One thought is just a thing amongst a pile. I don't know whats in that pile. It just builds and expands and tumbles. Little fish and crabs just wondering around. The mind is just like an ocean. So many different things just there. Doing their thing. Floating along. Like the other day I was studying and I put my feet in the pool. Then went up to knees. Then I put my hands, then my elbows, then all the way up and touched my nose to the water. But not actually going in fully, just sitting there playing with the water half in half not. Just. . . like a kid, like I was 6. When you were 6 everything was innocent and real, where as now we are flooded with the good and bad and reality. But what is good and bad? I mean is there ever really bad? Bad is just a concept and a perception of a person and their beliefs, but that doesn't mean that there are things that are overall bad. It just comes down to beliefs and people in their minds. That's society and good and bad. Just perception. No norms, no rules, no laws. There is no norm. There can't be norms. Cuz everything is a norm to someone. There is no good or bad or common or anything. It's just beliefs and people. I live by one law and one alone. The law of myself. Whatever that may be. Just me and what I think is right, wrong, acceptable, and law like. I mean the law of freedom. Life is a journey to freedom and self discovery. Life is all about freedom and discovery. Just live. No regrets. No looking back and no reservations.
Quote to this post: "There are two ways to live: you can live as if nothing is a miracle; you can live as if everything is a miracle" Albert Einstein.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Now
Song to this Blog: "Drunk Again" Reel Big Fish
Wow. I love finding songs that say the things you want to, saving you the trouble. Such as at this moment it's "Drunk again" by Reel Big Fish. The verses not necessarily the chorus. So that's the song to this post and no need for a quote cuz it'll just be lyrics :)
Wow. I love finding songs that say the things you want to, saving you the trouble. Such as at this moment it's "Drunk again" by Reel Big Fish. The verses not necessarily the chorus. So that's the song to this post and no need for a quote cuz it'll just be lyrics :)
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Awoken
Song to this blog: "First Day of My Life" Bright Eyes
I went to a Lightning Bolt concert last night, and somewhere between the mosh pit of people, the insanely loud music and the desperate search for sturdy footing in order to not take out the drummer and his entire set, I found myself awake. There was a moment amongst all the chaos where it was just me in my own mind. No thoughts, no noise, no judging or fear, just simple, ole, me. Through the three hours of mind blowing music and ear piercing guitar I realized I did not think. For that entire time I was completely free. When I left I felt exhilarated and alive and just, for the first time in my life, absolutely free. Free from the heartache, the disappointment, and the constant confusion of my life. When I awoke this morning there was the ringing in my ears and the numbness in my brain, but a beautiful realization into the world. Yes, it is fucked up. Yes, it is insane. and Yes, there is heartbreak and disappointment, but somewhere between using all my strength to push 70 insane people behind me back, and grabbing some guys hand from attempting to go up my shirt then down my pants, I let go. Hoping this is a real change, and that I really have awoken to the world and its wonders, but how are we to know? How are we to know if we are awake, and if not, how do we wake up? I'm not certain of these answers, but for once in my life, I feel as though I can go in search of them and not be afraid to find out the answers.
Quote to this blog: "A single event can awaken within us a stranger totally unknown to us. To live is to be slowly born."
I went to a Lightning Bolt concert last night, and somewhere between the mosh pit of people, the insanely loud music and the desperate search for sturdy footing in order to not take out the drummer and his entire set, I found myself awake. There was a moment amongst all the chaos where it was just me in my own mind. No thoughts, no noise, no judging or fear, just simple, ole, me. Through the three hours of mind blowing music and ear piercing guitar I realized I did not think. For that entire time I was completely free. When I left I felt exhilarated and alive and just, for the first time in my life, absolutely free. Free from the heartache, the disappointment, and the constant confusion of my life. When I awoke this morning there was the ringing in my ears and the numbness in my brain, but a beautiful realization into the world. Yes, it is fucked up. Yes, it is insane. and Yes, there is heartbreak and disappointment, but somewhere between using all my strength to push 70 insane people behind me back, and grabbing some guys hand from attempting to go up my shirt then down my pants, I let go. Hoping this is a real change, and that I really have awoken to the world and its wonders, but how are we to know? How are we to know if we are awake, and if not, how do we wake up? I'm not certain of these answers, but for once in my life, I feel as though I can go in search of them and not be afraid to find out the answers.
Quote to this blog: "A single event can awaken within us a stranger totally unknown to us. To live is to be slowly born."
Monday, November 16, 2009
Happiness
So i realized I want it. I want it all, I want the family, the house the kids everything. I want to find that one person who makes everything worthwhile. The one person who's there no matter what. The person who doesn't just want you when you look good but wants you when you're crying, when you're sick even when you still have last nights makeup on and your hair is just a blob ontop your head. Someone who loves you for you, someone who can't help but smile when they see you. I want that. The dream. What every wants. I never used to want kids, atleast not to have them, but now I want one of my own. I know i'm young and i'm not saying to do this anytime soon, but I just do. I suppose my mind will change. It may as i get older, my views will differ and my opinions will strain. I want the poetry, the romance the adventure and the honesty. But for now I want the truth. I want to be happy.
Friday, November 13, 2009
Settling
Song to this blog: "The sound of settling" Death Cab for Cutie
Why do we settle? When we're young we have this ideal fantasy in mind as to what we want in a person, yet as we grow older and our chances of meeting that person grow slimmer, we end up settling. We settle because we either like them and want what we want, no matter if it's less than what we deserve, or because we feel as though we may never find what it is we deserve so we go for what we can get. Is there ever the opportunity to have what we deserve, or to have our ideal person? We settle for people who don't exactly fit what we want or what we need, we settle for second best for ourselves when if we waited or worked a little more we could get first. We lower ourselves to fit this more realistic image of what people want, lowering our standards and what we're willing to deal with for love. I myself have done it and i know plenty of other people who have, but even when we're fully aware that we're not meeting our own ideal standards, we still don't change. People enjoy too much the feel of having someone want them and not having to be alone so much that they settle for them just for that feeling of being wanted. We as humans are terrified of being completely alone. But how are we to change from want to be wanted? To want to have what we deserve?
Quote for this Blog: "I've always believed the greater danger is not aiming too high, but too low, settling for a bogey, rather than aiming for an eagle." Peter Scott.
Why do we settle? When we're young we have this ideal fantasy in mind as to what we want in a person, yet as we grow older and our chances of meeting that person grow slimmer, we end up settling. We settle because we either like them and want what we want, no matter if it's less than what we deserve, or because we feel as though we may never find what it is we deserve so we go for what we can get. Is there ever the opportunity to have what we deserve, or to have our ideal person? We settle for people who don't exactly fit what we want or what we need, we settle for second best for ourselves when if we waited or worked a little more we could get first. We lower ourselves to fit this more realistic image of what people want, lowering our standards and what we're willing to deal with for love. I myself have done it and i know plenty of other people who have, but even when we're fully aware that we're not meeting our own ideal standards, we still don't change. People enjoy too much the feel of having someone want them and not having to be alone so much that they settle for them just for that feeling of being wanted. We as humans are terrified of being completely alone. But how are we to change from want to be wanted? To want to have what we deserve?
Quote for this Blog: "I've always believed the greater danger is not aiming too high, but too low, settling for a bogey, rather than aiming for an eagle." Peter Scott.
Saturday, November 7, 2009
A moving world revolving around a stationary object. . .
Song to this blog: "It takes some time", Catch 22
So I had another one of those moments today. I was sitting in a Chinese restaurant with my parents, the kinds of restaurants where they walk around with trolleys and you order off of them, and I just sort of blanked. I was sitting there, amongst this mass of people and movement and talking, and I froze. I sat staring at my plate. It was like a montage of my life and I was just seeing it from someone else's' perspective. As if none of this was actually happening, or that it was but just in fast forward around me as I'm staying slow. A huge rush of fear, and sadness and screaming ran through me all at once. I wanted to move or to yell or to cry but couldn't do anything. It was numbing. I eventually snapped out of it but still had this feeling in me. This is not the first time this has happened, where I feel as though life is moving around me and I'm still staying in one place, but just not this dramatic. I'm not sure what this means, or what will happen due to this, but all I can say is that now I feel even more lost than I did before, this feeling of everyone going on with their life and enjoying it, while I'm stuck in the same place, doing the same thing, and just cannot snap out of it.
Quote of this blog:
"There are three types of men; the retrograde, the stationary and the progressive."
So I had another one of those moments today. I was sitting in a Chinese restaurant with my parents, the kinds of restaurants where they walk around with trolleys and you order off of them, and I just sort of blanked. I was sitting there, amongst this mass of people and movement and talking, and I froze. I sat staring at my plate. It was like a montage of my life and I was just seeing it from someone else's' perspective. As if none of this was actually happening, or that it was but just in fast forward around me as I'm staying slow. A huge rush of fear, and sadness and screaming ran through me all at once. I wanted to move or to yell or to cry but couldn't do anything. It was numbing. I eventually snapped out of it but still had this feeling in me. This is not the first time this has happened, where I feel as though life is moving around me and I'm still staying in one place, but just not this dramatic. I'm not sure what this means, or what will happen due to this, but all I can say is that now I feel even more lost than I did before, this feeling of everyone going on with their life and enjoying it, while I'm stuck in the same place, doing the same thing, and just cannot snap out of it.
Quote of this blog:
"There are three types of men; the retrograde, the stationary and the progressive."
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