Monday, October 18, 2010


School today. Had last period study mum didn't answer her phone. Made me paranoid. She always says, "One day i might drop of a heart attack and no one will even know until several hours later when you get back in from school", so after calling her cell phone 6 times and the house phone twice and I actually got a little worried. Her words rolled around in my head. Turns out she was walking the dog and hasn't checked her phone all day. Good thing she has one if she doesn't check it. Came home. Sick of New Zealand. Sick of the people and their stories and their pathetic natures. Listened to music. Joshua Radin and Sara Bareilles on repeat. Sad songs. Tears fluttered down my cheeks. Looked at the scrap books my friends made me before I left. Mum came to talk to me about dinner. Wasn't listening. Something about lamb chops today. Or tomorrow. Thought of him again. Don't know why. He just pops up sometimes. Without warning his barb wire wraps around my heart. Oh well. Shrug it off. 6:04. I can hear mum in the kitchen talking to the dog. So much for man's best friend. Don't know if dad is home tonight. Hope not. More lectures on studying. Haven't done any. Makes me cry even more to think about if I don't get into Otago or pass my exams. Not enough incentive to make me study. Strange. Smell of food wafts into the kitchen. Maybe it was just my imagination. I feel hollow here. Still. May change. May not. I suppose it's the price we pay right? Well, 6:08. Bored. Running out of things to say. May leave it on a positive note. A positive website even. I Heart this website. 6:10.

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