Love doesn't exist

Maybe there is no such thing as love. Maybe we created love just so that we feel something. So that we feel connected to something in this otherwise unfeeling and unmoving world. Perhaps what you feel towards someone is nothing more than a want to be liked. A want to feel a closeness to someone so that you know you're not alone in this world. Life has a way of making you think that it's love. Making you believe that you could be that completely happy with your life and with another person, and then making it dissapointing when you find out that you will never have that rock in life. That one stable aspect in the universe that makes you content with everything. No one will ever be completely happy. Not once. Whether its love, life, or just the entirety of the universe, something will make your heart break. Something will remind you that love, that fictitious thing, doesn't exist for anything other than more unpleasentries and unhappiness. The fact of the matter is. Love doesn't exist.

Bridget Jones 'aint got nothin on me

So fascinating events taking place at the moment. I will go all bridget jones on you and list them. For my entertainment not yours.

• Time spent on my computer: roughly 5 hours
• Time spent indulging in pointless conversations: roughly 4 hours
• Time spent being freaked out and confused about an ex: roughly 6 hours
• Time spent talking to my estranged lover about food: roughly 2 hours
• Pages read in Fast Food Nation: 56
• Movies watched: The Hangover
• Number of phonecalls: none. not even from my mother
• Number of texts: none.
• Time spent contemplating this blog and whether or not its worth it to continue considerng no one reads it: roughly 20 minutes.
• Time spent feeling stupid for caring about whether or not people read it: roughly 40 minutes.
• Bands listened to during this time: Lily Allen, Spoon, Black Eyed Peas, Ida Maria, The Kooks, Brand New and The Zombies
• Food eaten: Hawaiin Burger. Chips. Pizza Snacks. One Afghan Cookie.
• Beverages: 1 1/2 glasses of coke.

Finally realizing that i am leading a rather pathetic life at the moment and will not be any more thrilling once exams start in 2 weeks: Priceless.

Favorite Youtube artist ever

Julian Nunes is the greatest thing since. . . . pie. so go listen to her and buy her CD. Because she is going to hit it big soon and you can say you knew her way back when.


http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=jaaaaaaa#play/uploads/66/X0rm853iYYg

First Impressions Lyircs.
I’ve gotten used to being introduced.
“Hello. What’s your name? How are you?”
They see my smile, my laugh, and the hurt behind my eyes.
Loss is not so easily disguised.
I’ll try my best to keep on with my sunny disposition.
But I close my eyes and end up reminiscing.
So save me from waking up tonight.
Save me from waking up tonight.
Cause I toss and I turn and it doesn’t feel right.
Save me from waking up tonight.
Left to my own devices,I’d stay up till 3 am.
Spend the whole day barely awake, and then do it all again.
Cause my dreams are filled with pleasantries that make me think you’re here with me.
They won’t let my poor heart mend.
I have tried my darnedest to continue smiling wide, but I miss you and that’s something I can’t hide.
So save me from waking up tonight.
Please, save me from waking up tonight.
I thought I was fine, but it looks as if I might not make it through the night.
So save me from waking up tonight.
Please, save me from waking up tonight.
Cause I toss and I turn and it doesn’t feel right.
Please, save me from waking up tonight

grief is immortal

Some say that time is what decreases pain or sorrow. But i find that hard to believe. If you are truly hurt about something that has happened or about how things have turned out in your life, then you will always feel that grief and remorse, you simply learn to close it off. If you loose someone you love and there's nothing you can do about it then of course you're going to be hurt, you will cry and mope and sob all the time, but gradually you won't anymore. This isn't because you are over it or because time has rendered you unfeeling towards it, its because it has hurt too much that your heart blocks off those feelings in order for you to move on. You will look back on them and memories will rush into your mind and you may feel a tinge of sorrow, however, you will not be flooded with emotion. Why is it that your heart makes you forget or makes you hard against those memories? When i left the person I loved I didn't ever want to forget them, i still don't. I want to feel that pain when i think of them because that pain, that hint of sadness and hurt that you feel, reminds me that I'm alive and that i will care about that person, and reminds me that i did in fact truly love them. I hate thinking about what it will be like when my heart finally decides to close its doors on him. I hate thinking that one day i may wake up and look back and have regrets or feel silly for making such a big deal over something that is so small in comparison to the rest of the world. I don't ever want to forget him or what i feel for him because even though it hurts to think of him and what we had and the fact that its gone, it goes to that saying "It's better to have loved and lost, then to never have loved at all." I want this pain in my heart that i feel when i think of him because then i really understand that i did love him, and that he will always have a piece of my heart, and that that is why it hurts so much. Because that piece is missing. So as for thinking that time is the cure for grief, its not. Grief is in fact. Immortal.

Drinking at 17

so in New Zealand the legal drinking age is 18. well the fantastic thing about looking older than my age is that people do not feel the need to I.D. me. now i do not drink a lot maybe an occasional beer out with friends (not the binge drinking scenario). The humerous thing about this though, is that my brother, who still lives in the states, is turning 21 in january, well i will be allowed to legaly drink approximately 6 months after him. This pisses him off sooooo much. however, personaly i find it hysterical. (karma for all the things he used to do to me as a kid) so this post right here is just a CHEERS! to all the people drinking tonight, whether at a party, or simply at home watching a movie and having a nice cold corona, i raise my, well at this moment, non existant glass at you! TO BEER!