Saturday, August 22, 2009

grief is immortal

Some say that time is what decreases pain or sorrow. But i find that hard to believe. If you are truly hurt about something that has happened or about how things have turned out in your life, then you will always feel that grief and remorse, you simply learn to close it off. If you loose someone you love and there's nothing you can do about it then of course you're going to be hurt, you will cry and mope and sob all the time, but gradually you won't anymore. This isn't because you are over it or because time has rendered you unfeeling towards it, its because it has hurt too much that your heart blocks off those feelings in order for you to move on. You will look back on them and memories will rush into your mind and you may feel a tinge of sorrow, however, you will not be flooded with emotion. Why is it that your heart makes you forget or makes you hard against those memories? When i left the person I loved I didn't ever want to forget them, i still don't. I want to feel that pain when i think of them because that pain, that hint of sadness and hurt that you feel, reminds me that I'm alive and that i will care about that person, and reminds me that i did in fact truly love them. I hate thinking about what it will be like when my heart finally decides to close its doors on him. I hate thinking that one day i may wake up and look back and have regrets or feel silly for making such a big deal over something that is so small in comparison to the rest of the world. I don't ever want to forget him or what i feel for him because even though it hurts to think of him and what we had and the fact that its gone, it goes to that saying "It's better to have loved and lost, then to never have loved at all." I want this pain in my heart that i feel when i think of him because then i really understand that i did love him, and that he will always have a piece of my heart, and that that is why it hurts so much. Because that piece is missing. So as for thinking that time is the cure for grief, its not. Grief is in fact. Immortal.

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