Saturday, September 26, 2009

Fuck Promises.

Song to this blog "Into the sunshine" by Julia Nunes

So todays absolutely thrilling events include:
  • sitting around the house on my computer
  • unpacking box after box in my new house
  • getting into argument with this guy (whom i have previously mentioned) and realizing he is an asshole and that makes me an idiot for ever liking him in the first place
  • And then last but not least, taking the most relaxing and scolding hot bath in the world that has now made my entire house smell of lavender thanks to bath salts and bubbles.
Now after all these amazingly eventful and some completely heart wrenching events took place, i decided to watch a movie, one of which i had not seen in forever. The Aristocats. An amazing movie which makes me realize that happy endings are possible. But only if you live in France and have a really nice house with a lot of money. Oh and you have to be gorgeous.
So yes these were the thrilling things that i did today, yet through all this and all the furious amounts of tears cried over this pathetic guy who isn't worth my time yet i can't seem to get over him, i still don't feel any different. It's weird. I've been here roughly 3 months, 3 months! and i still feel, well almost numb. I'm not happy or excited, I'm not angry or frustrated, i don't feel anything. The only emotion i do feel is sad and home sick. I mean this is horrible because this is where i am now and i can't change that, but still. I keep thinking that this is just a vacation and I'll go back home, even though I've started school and moved into the house, i just feel as though I'm simply going through the motions. Nothing has struck a chord. I'm listening to really off music like Dj Screw and Arab on Radar, which i would never listen to normally. I'm tired and bored and I back talk my parents a lot (which is almost normal) and i hate my dad. I mean i honestly hate him. He left a job he had been working for for 25 years for a lower position with less money, around the world and the only goddamn reason he gives me is because its an "adventure".
This is honestly the excuse he gave me, and he even admitted that it was purely for his own selfish reasons. He moved me around the world from a guy I liked (cuz remember love doesn't exist), my friends, my life, the summer before my last year of high school for a fucking adventure?! not cool. He even promised, after my move to the states about 9 years ago, that we would not move again until i finished high school. Look at how well that promise went. I genuinely hate him and i can't seem to help it. He is a lazy, smug, arrogant, selfish asshole and i despise him. It's as simple as that. I mean now i can't even go back to America for college because its too expensive. So this whole college experience vision that i have had my entire life is now ruined. I wanted to do the sorority thing and the frat parties and the small gross dorms. I wanted an American college experience, and now i'm stuck here with no Greek Life, and it's definitely not America.
Quote of the blog:
"Some people break promises for the pleasure of breaking them." William Hazlitt.

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