Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Sometimes when I look at myself in the mirror, I could get lost in it. The face staring back at me does not look like me. It does not move, speak, or feel like I do. The eyes are hollow, empty and cold. They search the face for some familiarity, however, through all the searching there is hope.
Excitement and curiosity, the eyes ready for adventure and for life to start. For this so start.
Feeling sheltered and closed.
Unmoving and alone.
I put on my make up trying to make it seem more like me, covering my flaws and masking my frown. I turn to my room and look around. Pictures and posters, interests and memories. memories I want to forget. Living in the past brings pain to the present. Flooded with memories. Tears swell. I'm pathetic.
Can I make myself up with paint and movement, each brush stroke a new mark? Redoing myself over making something to want. I want someone to want me. Someone to notice me and what i do. Someone to love me.
Thought I had that with you.
Melting like ice cream in June when you're in the room.
Invincible together, facing the future hand in hand.
The future runs at us, my palm is hollow.
I look to you and you're not there.
Forced to face this world alone.
Why don't you want me?
I can love, I can smile, I can give you everything.
Wednesday night I'm sitting on my bed.
Fingers are tired, numbness building.
Musics playing, drowning out the world.
My mind races to you.
Everything comes to you.
A good song.
A hot day.
A single moment and my mind, my heart, is yours.
My mind frazzles, memories, images, thoughts of you.
Need to rest, put my mind at ease.
Sleep, a chance to dream, an escape from reality.
A chance to love you without fear.
I love sleep, it brings me to you.
If only I was with you, if it would bring me to you,
I would sleep for my whole life.