Sunday, January 31, 2010


So I'm getting sick. maybe it's just being here and i am allergic to the country and the current state of my life; perhaps it's simply a bug, but whatever the reason, being sick sucks. It makes you rather mopey and sad and kinda lonely when you're sick, especially when you're single, (current relationship status). You look at things differently when you're sick. You think of things you don't normally do and look back on your life and typically dwell on the negatives. You think of exes and listen to depressing music (at least in my case). Found a new artist who fulfills that quot-um; Matt Wertz. Good music, check him out. But back to dwelling. When you look back on your past, should you focus on what you've lost, and the lessons learned from loss? Or focus on the positives, and the experience gained? At what point do you have to choose between learning and experiencing? We are brought up to learn, programed to learn and do so for the majority of our lives, but when on our own and when looking for ourselves, we tend to experience. We live. We are so focused on doing the right thing and worrying about regret, that we tend to stay in our comfort zone. Don't ask, don't tell policy. Don't do, Don't regret philosophy. But when really pondering our past is it better to have regrets, or to just accept what it is and move on? Or, is it possible to do both? To live like we want to, as the saying goes, "Live with no regret". But with regrets we learn lessons, we again, learn but are we also experiencing from the action or incident in which we learned something from? People tend to not regret not doing things, but regret things about themselves. Regret starting smoking or not talking to girls more, regret being sheltered and not outgoing. Tend to regret personal qualities, more so than personal experiences or actions. Regret not being what they want to be. I have a few regrets from incidents, but again, more characteristics than actions. We are so critical of ourselves, we project our regrets inward at ourselves than at missed opportunities. This continuous inward struggle for perfection and acceptance in society. To be completely protected from regret because with regret comes disappointment and hurt. Always fearful of hurt and not being good enough. However, when has being ourselves (mistakes and all) not been enough?

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