Song to this blog: "First Day of My Life" Bright Eyes
I went to a Lightning Bolt concert last night, and somewhere between the mosh pit of people, the insanely loud music and the desperate search for sturdy footing in order to not take out the drummer and his entire set, I found myself awake. There was a moment amongst all the chaos where it was just me in my own mind. No thoughts, no noise, no judging or fear, just simple, ole, me. Through the three hours of mind blowing music and ear piercing guitar I realized I did not think. For that entire time I was completely free. When I left I felt exhilarated and alive and just, for the first time in my life, absolutely free. Free from the heartache, the disappointment, and the constant confusion of my life. When I awoke this morning there was the ringing in my ears and the numbness in my brain, but a beautiful realization into the world. Yes, it is fucked up. Yes, it is insane. and Yes, there is heartbreak and disappointment, but somewhere between using all my strength to push 70 insane people behind me back, and grabbing some guys hand from attempting to go up my shirt then down my pants, I let go. Hoping this is a real change, and that I really have awoken to the world and its wonders, but how are we to know? How are we to know if we are awake, and if not, how do we wake up? I'm not certain of these answers, but for once in my life, I feel as though I can go in search of them and not be afraid to find out the answers.
Quote to this blog: "A single event can awaken within us a stranger totally unknown to us. To live is to be slowly born."