Song to this blog: "It takes some time", Catch 22
So I had another one of those moments today. I was sitting in a Chinese restaurant with my parents, the kinds of restaurants where they walk around with trolleys and you order off of them, and I just sort of blanked. I was sitting there, amongst this mass of people and movement and talking, and I froze. I sat staring at my plate. It was like a montage of my life and I was just seeing it from someone else's' perspective. As if none of this was actually happening, or that it was but just in fast forward around me as I'm staying slow. A huge rush of fear, and sadness and screaming ran through me all at once. I wanted to move or to yell or to cry but couldn't do anything. It was numbing. I eventually snapped out of it but still had this feeling in me. This is not the first time this has happened, where I feel as though life is moving around me and I'm still staying in one place, but just not this dramatic. I'm not sure what this means, or what will happen due to this, but all I can say is that now I feel even more lost than I did before, this feeling of everyone going on with their life and enjoying it, while I'm stuck in the same place, doing the same thing, and just cannot snap out of it.
Quote of this blog:
"There are three types of men; the retrograde, the stationary and the progressive."